Darkness
by Riddicknodefeat
Summary: Malec fic, Alec tries to kill himself but fails, all he wants is to be left alone but someone won't let him. Read and review :)


**I own nothing!**

Alec's heart was in pieces. All he wanted to do was crawl in a hole and die. It had been three weeks since he last talked to the love of his life, Magnus Bane, and even though he tried countless times to get him to see him, talk with him, listen to him, Magnus refused to have anything to do with him. He even convinced Clary to go and talk to Magnus, try to mediate, but he just sent her away too, and without any hope of having his Magnus back, Alec only saw one option out of this black oblivion that was his life.

Izzy was out, Jace and Clary were on a 'date' in his room. Meaning they were just having a night of making out, so the best time for this would be now. Quickly pulling out the note he'd written earlier today he went to my dresser and pulled out the bottle of painkillers and his vodka. This, he heard, was a painless way to die. Ingest a large amount of pain pills with lots of alcohol and it'll feel like he just fell asleep, the best thing for him.

He couldn't get out of this blackness that was his life, he didn't want to if Magnus wasn't in it anymore. Opening the bottle, he took a handful of the pills and shoved them into his mouth, then opening the vodka; he took a swing of the burning liquid and swallowed the deadly concoction in his mouth. Finally, it was done. Soon, he'd be asleep and he could forget everything that was causing him pain.

Soon, he would be dead.

He didn't expect to wake up; he didn't want to wake up. He wanted to pain to go away, not be caused more because of the darkness he tried to end. The walls around him were white and clinical. He was in the infirmary at the institution. The last place he wanted to be was here.

He wanted to be dead.

"Alec," a voice whispered beside him. Turning his head slowly, he watched as his sister moved to sit on the bed with him and take his hand in hers. "Why? Alec, why would you do this?" She whispered to him, tears falling down her face. Behind her Alec caught sight of Jace, frowning down at him with concern, and Clary beside him, worry stroked her features.

"Because, without him, I don't want to live." He whispered back, turning his head away from the looks of pity.

"Alec, you almost died. You _did_ die. If Jace hadn't felt it through the bond, you'd be dead right now. Why would you make us go through that again, Alec, after the pain we went through with Max? Why?"

Alec just closed his eyes and sighed, he didn't make it out of the hell he was in. Jace had to save him, just like he had to always save Clary. Why was life just cruel to him?

"Isabelle?" Clary spoke, closer now. "Can I speak with him for a minute? Alone?" Isabelle said something back, but he didn't hear it, he didn't care. Suddenly the wait from the side of the bed was gone and he and Clary seemed to be alone.

"Just go away, Clary, I don't want to talk." Rolling onto his side, Alec pulled the covers from the bedding closer to him as he groaned at the pain in his chest. Great, he thought, more pain.

"Alec, I just wanted to ask you if you wanted me to bring Magnus here, so you could talk with him. I know the pain you're feeling. When Jace disappeared I wanted nothing more than to do exactly what you did. But something always stopped me."

"And what was that?" He asked bleakly.

He could hear the smile in her voice. "Hope. Hope that I'd see him again, hope that he'd be okay; for you, that hope could be that you can work it out with Magnus. I can try and help you with it, if you wanted me to." She placed a hand on his shoulder, but he just shrugged it off.

"It wouldn't matter. He never wants to see me again, he doesn't want to see any of us again." Tears fell from his eyes and a broken sob escaped his lips. "Just leave me be, Clary, if I can't die then just let me grieve."

Clary looked down at him with sadness before leaning down to hug him awkwardly. "Believe what you will, Alec, but everyone who is here loves you in some way. And I will find a way to make sure you no longer suffer." With that, she left intent on going one place and one place only. If Magnus refused to see her, then he would know the type of pain and regret that haunted Alec. He would have justice.

Clary was surprised to find Magnus's place unlocked. When she entered, the place was in such a state of disarray that she was stunned. She froze in the middle of the living room with a sigh. Clearly, Magnus hadn't been taking the breakup well, either.

"Magnus?" She called, listening to the silent apartment for any signs of real life. Other than the damned cat, of course.

Walking through the apartment, she finds him sitting out on his balcony, wearing only his boxers and an old t-shirt. It looked like one of Alec's. "Go away, Clary. Like I told Alec, I won't be helping any of you anymore." He looked so… normal. Very un-Magnus like.

"I'm not here for information, or any magical help, Magnus. I'm here to talk." She moved and sat down beside him, in a chair that looked about as old as she was. She'd never seen Magnus like this. He looked so… drained.

"About what? What could you possibly have to talk to me about?" He looked up at her, he had makeup smudged all over his face.

"Alec attempted suicide last night." She spoke plainly and without kindness, simply informative. "I'm worried he's going to do it again." Magnus was frozen, his eyes wide and the pain that she say in them was undoubtedly the most horrid thing she'd ever seen. She hated having to do this. "I know that he hurt you, but I'm begging you to just this once, help him."

"How did he do it?" He asked his voice barely above a whisper.

"He took a handful of high prescription pain pills then drank half a bottle of vodka. Jace and I found him ten minutes later, convulsing on the floor. He's awake and okay for now, but we're keeping an eye on him. We haven't told his mom yet." Magnus closed his eyes and a tear fell from under his eyelashes.

"Why?"

Clary looked down at her hands and sighed. "He said that he wanted to escape the darkness and pain he felt. He had a note written out. It was addressed to you." Taking it out of her jacket pocket she unfolded it and handed it to him. "I didn't read it. I assumed you'd want to." Standing, she moved for the door. But before she left, she turned back to him with sorrow. "I know that he hurt you badly, Magnus, but the way he's been in the last three weeks has hurt even to watch. He waited outside your place three nights in a row in the pouring rain, hoping to talk to you." She placed a hand on his shoulder and gave him a squeeze. "I am begging you to talk to him; to help him. I don't think the Lightwoods can stand to lose someone else in their lives." With that, she left Magnus to his own thoughts.


End file.
